by StrippedGears » July 15th, 2013, 6:27 pm
So, I have this kink about intelligence reduction... I think it's one of those things where some people get off on things they're supposed to find revolting. I mean, some people really like feet - the way they smell, the way they get slimy between the toes, the degradation of being trampled, whatever - in large part because it's so gross to like feet. I think I'm the same way.
In any case, it's not something I really wanted to happen to myself. There's loads of fetishes out there that would be aliving nightmare if they ever came true, like permanent dollification or rape fantasies. Still, kinks are kinks and they're hard to resist. So I've listened to various bimbo files and IQ reduction files - never the whole thing except some of the shorter loops with subliminals, and I've never tranced while listening to a file.
Still, I've noticed some very minor changes that have popped up over the course of a couple months. Most noticeably the kink has become a much more reliable turnon form e. It used to be I'd sort of rotate through all sorts of erotica and such as my whim carried me, not really dwelling on any one kink for more than a couple days before getting bored of it for a while. Now, it feels like a dominant fetish and I can go weeks on the same old bimbo material fantasizing about being the bimbo without ever feeling the need to look for something more fresh or a change of pace.
The other thing Is I've noticed that my typing and spelling have become much more sloppy (and I'm leaving in some typos instead of editing them out for this post to demonstrate). I work as a tech writer, so my typing speed is generally excellent, but for the past couple weeks now (and with greater frequency over time), I've been making stupid mistakes like typing a word out the way I pronounce it instead of the way it's spelled. Other times it's like I'll start typing one word and then move on to the next one before finishing the first. "Personally, whenever", for example, could become "Personever". When that happens it feels almost like I just... got bored of the first word and moved on.
Also, my mental math skills have never been amazingly (ugh, so many words I tried using here before I got the one with the right connotation) good, but lately it feels like if I have to do any form of math more complex than adding or subtracting round numbers or numbers smaller than 20 or multiplying small double-digit numbers it's just harder and slower than it used to be. I'm sure using my smartphone as a calculator the moment I begin to get even slightly stuck isn't helping, but I used to be at least a little faster at it than most people.
Finally, I've also noticed that when it's possible to use two different words to say something, and one word is more correct than they other but harder to say (or just longer), I've started to trend towards using the simpler words instead of the more accurate one. As an English major who enjoys writin, this has really troubled me.
It's pretty clear that the suggestions are working, and that bothers me. As I've said, I have never tranced while listening to a file, but it's like all of the... eh... "positive reinforcement" I've been giving myself while listening to them or reading bimbo erotica or looking at bimbo porn has been building the suggestions anyways. I don't feel like my problem-solving skills are at all impaired, but clearly my math and language skills have been impacted to a minor degree.
What's worse is that while I definitely do NOT want to be dumb, the knowledge of what's happening (and that revulsion that it's happening) is really, really hot. It's pretty clear that what I want and what my libido wants are two different things at this point, and I doubt I have the self-control to quit indulging the fetish in the long run.
EDIT: Ugh... The irony is killing me, but I forgot something else that's happening a lot: I've been blanking on certain things. That is, I'd get ready to do, then right when I start I'd forget what it was I was supposed to be doing. I've alwas been a LITTLE absent-minded, but lately it's been happening several times a day. Never on anything important, but I might open up a browser tab to look something up then stare at it wondering what the hell I opened the tab for, knowing I did it for a reason but not remembering why. Or might start saying something then kind of trail off as I forget what I was going to say. Or... well, I'd write up a really long post describing how it feels like I'm starting to slip and forget one of the biggest ways I'm slipping.
I know these are things that just happen to some people every now and then, but like I said... this is all happening more than it used to.
It's like... I can see this all happening, but I know I'm not going to be able to keep myself from conditioning myself further by leaving the bimbo stuff alone.