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WarpMyMind • View topic - Looking to understand the dominant mindset - help please.

Looking to understand the dominant mindset - help please.

A place to discuss the use of Hypnosis in BDSM relationships

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Looking to understand the dominant mindset - help please.

Postby Nate80 » June 3rd, 2013, 6:00 am

Hi all,

Sorry it's a bit long, trying to provide as much info as possible.

long time listener, first time caller to the world of hypnosis (studying more towards the therapeutic side than fetish for several years). I've been having a go with email slave (captive audience as it were), to varying degrees of success, but I seem to be falling down on one key are - dominance.

Personally, I'm more submissive, but seem to be finding my kink is helping others explore theirs. My experience with hypno so far has given me a good grounding in how to frame a suggestion etc, and I understand or figure out how to get someone from A to B for the most part, technique wise. I'm now developing my understanding of the various subcultures - my successes have had some pretty good results so far.

But where I'm falling down is with the submissives who advertise as wanting to be controlled and dominated. I understand (some of?) the theory, regarding dominating someone, but whenever I work with another sub, I either come on too strong and a jerk, or too weak and not taken seriously. Both of which usually cutting short our interactions, with little helpful feed back. (they lose interest and usually just stop responding)

So, after all that, while I know I can go find a dominant mp3, I don't want a permanent change. I like being able to change between various roles as needed, but I just have no idea how to be dominant :(.
Have beat off to more than one fantasy of being dominated but it's like I seem to know but not understand some key detail on being dominant.

I understand the vague theory, but I'm evidently missing something and would like to know from more experienced Masters and Mistresses what would they consider key principles / behaviours / attitudes / tricks of the trade to include.

My current understanding includes (not everything):
confidence, "me first"(but also unwritten is their welfare / development is actually #1), structure, consistency, authorative disposition (I think part of my problem is here), strict / forgiving (80/20), reward and punish in equal measure, understanding of sub's emotional needs (not wants, this may be a problem, but mainly due to lack of experience), there's other bits but can't think of them just now.

I know the dom is suppose to take charge of the situation, but I seem to fall short on this one. I think it's the initial rapport stages I'm failing at. I try going in with say a tough approach, only to find they need an initial softly softly approach, and visa versa. unfortunately changing disrupts the rapport and not changing kills the interaction.

Any tips on getting the ball rolling / building a dominant relationship would also be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
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Postby Endo » June 3rd, 2013, 8:23 am

Just keep working at it. Experience is the best teacher, and as you build your own style, you may find that you attract certain types of subs or certain subjects. This might sound weird, but it's like porn. All the doms in (BDSM) porn really like doing certain things to their subs, and they attract subs who know what the doms do, and want to experience it. Who knows? Maybe you find you really like hypnotizing people to imagine giant pink tentacle monsters with cat faces that bark as they rape the user.
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Postby sfhole2stretch » June 3rd, 2013, 10:18 am

Speaking as a sub, I'd say you've got a pretty good grasp already. I'm not quite sure what question is being asked.

Regarding coming on too strong/jerk vs too empathetic and soft, I think it's a matter of degrees and familiarity. In the beginning it can be beneficial to show empathy to gain trust. As trust is gained however it becomes more and more important for the slave to feel objectified. Once the mind is able to lose fear of harm the need to be treated more as an object and manipulated takes over and needs to be nurtured through dominance. Encountering a Dom jerk from the onset is off-putting. Finding oneself addicted to a Dom manipulative jerk after a few sessions is a complete turn on.

Hope that helps. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to discuss further.
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Postby Nate80 » June 3rd, 2013, 10:29 am

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Postby sfhole2stretch » June 3rd, 2013, 10:44 am

A suggestion. Look up the files by Muttley here on WMM. He recorded "Asserting Yourself as Dominant" and another designed to increase a Dom attitude. I used these on one of my Dom friends and it certainly worked.
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Postby Nate80 » June 3rd, 2013, 11:07 am

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