by LilJennie » March 28th, 2008, 9:20 am
I listened to BladderRetrain every day for about a month, and then when the Reinforcer file came out I listened to it one or two nights a week. Also I've been listening to BabyAcceptance now that it's out. One day a week I don't listen to any of these files, and I don't listen to more than one of them on any given day/night. I listen to BladderRetraining one or two times a week, BabyAcceptance 3 or 4 times a week, and Reinforcer the rest, I would estimate.
Am I wetting uncontrollably? I wouldn't say that I am yet. But it feels like I'm getting closer and closer.
For one thing, most of the time I really can't tell whether my bladder is full or not. Sometimes I feel a pressure, but it doesn't say "full bladder" to me; it's just a vaguely uncomfortable sensation. Sometimes I feel it as a full bladder, though.
Also, diapers and wetting them felt good to me before, but they're feeling better and better now, physically and emotionally. Sometimes a LOT better, sometimes a little, but the trend is upward.
When I'm awake, I usually feel the "I have to pee" feeling, then let go. I guess I could try to stop it, but I want this to work, so I don't try. I still notice this process, though -- I'm probably trying too hard to make it work and just need to relax and let it happen. Sometimes my muscles will contract involuntarily and stop the flow, which is painful. I don't know why it happens.
When I'm asleep, sometimes I will wake up during the night feeling the "I have to pee" feeling, then let go into my diaper, then go back to sleep. There was a time when this was happening every night. But then I had to go on a trip for work, and came back with a cold, and this disrupted the pattern. Now I think I'm back to doing that again, but there have been a lot of dry nights where I didn't wet until I woke up in the morning. Sometimes, though, I've stayed asleep and don't remember when I let go; when I wake up wet without any idea when it happened, that is a wonderful feeling!
Well, soon (this is the plan anyway) I will be wetting not once but twice or three times at night without waking up, and soon I will just automatically relax and let go without thinking when I feel like I have to pee, and soon after that I won't even consciously notice the feeling of having to pee. Perhaps soon I won't know what muscles to contract to stop myself. And soon it will feel intense and wonderful every time I wet my diaper. It's just a slow process for me.