by Lissar » March 19th, 2007, 1:16 am
DianaW, I am so sorry to read about your experiences. I'm also a woman on this site, and I too have experienced men behaving in this manner (although the behavior was only during attempts to trance me, since none of EMG's files have worked for me). You should not have been treated that way, and while, yes, we all take risks on the internet, you should not be forced to take all responsibility for the pervy nature of some men.
The thing is that you requested that a woman trigger you, not a man. Both these men ignored that request. You also said that you wouldn't mind a guy emailing you, so long as the orders were tasteful. Tasteful can mean a lot of things, yes, but from your post, it was very clear to me that you wanted to test a trigger for yourself. You wanted a fun, interesting experience. And these two men ignored your very clear boundaries and asked you for inappropriate information.
If anyone wants to say, "Well, asking for primary emails or for information isn't exactly the opposite of 'tasteful,'" go ahead and say it. It might not be tasteful or in bad taste, that's true. But it's terribly inappropriate and unsafe.
It's also a complete abuse of power. Hypnosis is based on a lot of trust, and while, yeah, you can't trust people on the internet, that doesn't mean that people who are abused should take all responsibility. The bottom line is that, yes, DianaW took a risk. But so what? These two men deliberately ignored what she wanted so they could get their own kicks and giggles, I suppose.
While I have met and spoken with many nice, respectful men on this forum and in the chatroom in the past, I have also experienced very degrading treatment at the hands of some men here. Never from women, only from men. It's a gendered issue, I think. I also think that's why not a lot of women post here, or advertise that they are women. We don't feel comfortable or safe in a place where trying to experience a kink means putting ourselves at the mercy of men who have no respect for women.
If it happens to some men, here, then feel free to think of it as a power issue. It is a power issue, after all. Of course, in American society at least, gender inequalities create a power unbalance that is so incredible, women are disempowered. So whether it's men taking advantage of submissive or young men, or taking advantage of women, it's a power thing.
So don't tell DianaW, "Gee, we're sorry about what happened. It really sucks, and I wish it won't happen again. But honestly, men will be men, and it's what happens on the internet."
Instead, we should be hearing, "Gee, we're sorry about what happened. It really sucks, and I wish it won't happen again. In fact, let's talk to EMG about this and make sure that the guidelines and rules are incredible clear, and let's get him to make an announcement about how inappropriate this behavior is."
Don't say that we can't stop it, even if it's true that we can't prevent this behavior 100%. But being a role model and raising awareness is important. Blaming DianaW, who has been victimized, is absolutely ridiculous.