I inexplicably allowed this weird woman to grope me.

[louisa]

[louisa]

[grover27]

Louisa,
I wrote this once before but it did not publish for some reason so I am trying again. It may be shorter this time.

My thoughts are that you keep saying "I didn't want to make a scene."
Yet you are allowing this woman to make a very big scene with you at the center of it in a humiliating way.
What makes more of a scene? What is more normal?
1) You allowing this woman to grope and molest you in public? or
2) you telling this woman right away that what she is doing is not appropriate or welcomed?

Right away, why don't you say "Excuse Me! You need to stop touching me. This is highly inappropriate and unwelcomed and I do not give you permission to touch me."

- "Oh but Louisa, you are so shiny. It's not sexual. BS BS BS"
- "I don't care what you want to try to say to rationalize this, but it is not right and I do not approve. If you can't control yourself, you need to leave and go get help. If you want to continue to provide services to our B&B, you will figure out a way to control yourself"
- "Oh Louisa, you are so nice. This is not you. Let's come over here and talk"
- "I am serious and I am through with this inappropriate and unwelcomed molestation of my body. How dare you presume that just because I am tall and curvy that you have a right to just touch me without my permission."

Then go tell your partner that if her cousin touches you again, she will not be allowed to provide vending service to your B&B any longer.

This is BS Louisa - make it stop now. You did great with your woke employee - now it's time to serve a plate of justice to this groper.

[louisa]

[grover27]

Glad to hear you get it. You have allowed yourself to become a victim and you are clearly very upset by it. The good news is that the fix is very easy. You are a strong woman. You just need to open your mouth and not take anymore of this. Don't worry about making a scene. Sometimes scenes need to be made, and this is one of those times. Think about how proud you were to have fired your employee. You will be even more proud to have stood up for yourself and taken back control of this situation. Be a force to be reckoned with. You don't need to worry about being liked by this groper. You don't even like her. Don't let her take advantage of you. Take care of this shit now and be able to live your life in peace.

[louisa]

[grover27]

You were not wrong. If anything, you were too nice. Did she cry because she was finally called out and felt like she had gotten in trouble like a child? Did she cry simply to manipulate you? Did she cry because she is a fragile human being aching for love? I don't know. It doesn't matter. You do not owe her anything. I repeat, you owe her nothing. You do not have to sacrifice your self comfort to let someone molest you just because they cry and like the feel of satin. Think of what these people are thinking when they witness this? She could be hurting your business - "Don't go to that B&B. There's these 2 weird women that just walk around touching each other in the open all the time. It's really awkward."

Bring her an old satin blouse to touch at night if you want to feel better - but never let her back into your space - not even an inch - not another touch or another hug. If she tries again, pull away INSTANTLY (do not wait again to tolerate and hope it stops!!) and just say - "Erin, I thought we talked about this and we had an understanding. Let me be clear again - You are not allowed to touch me." You already gave her an inch and she took a mile. Don't let up now. Understand that if she doesn't respect what you told her then she is only further manipulating you and taking advantage of you. Do not allow yourself to be victimized - you are stronger than that. Would you allow a guy to rub all up on you whenever he liked? Erin is no different. Just because she is an odd bird, doesn't give her a free pass to violating social norms and molesting another human being.

[louisa]

[grover27]

Louisa,
I read this and can't help but think "is this for real?" I can't imagine that this type of thing is really happening. You did a great job standing up for yourself but you clearly had to take it further. Do you have a back room that you can go into when she follows you into the store? Perhaps after you told her NO, you could have then removed yourself from her presence at that time. I feel like you really need to get a restraining order from this woman. I can't believe your customer was encouraging this!! What city do you live in?? I think you have made progress and you did really well in what you said. I think you need to continue to voice your objection and disapproval and then remove yourself. Whatever you do, you can't let her (or the other woman) touch you. Tell them "I am a person, not an object for you to touch all over" Keep at it. I know you feel like you failed, but you did much better today.

[louisa]

[louisa]

[grover27]

Glad to be of support Louisa. I understand the complications of your issues with your husband. I am a husband too and I would want to be able to help my wife if she had an issue like this. All I can say at this time is that you need to be more assertive. God gives us these challenges for a reason. Perhaps He feels like you need to learn how to be more assertive in life and this is the challenge presented. Perhaps this will make you a stronger person in business and marriage. You are almost there! I believe in you and know you can fully solve this problem in a dignified and professional way.

[louisa]

[louisa]

[grover27]

Before I got to the end of your story, I thought "Okay, if this was a guy doing this to me, I would punch him the face." I was pleased when I got to the end of your story. Now you know this woman is a sexual predator - not that you didn't know it before, but you have 100% confirmation. You are self-defense mode and you are justified to use self-defense in this situation. This is unwanted battery. You may want to consider carrying your phone on record mode the next time you think you will be in this situation so you can have evidence if she tries to press charges. Now if she does this again, you can say, "Touch me again, and I will slap you hard." If she touches you again, knock the shit out of her. What a piece of shit this woman!

[louisa]

[louisa]

[louisa]

[grover27]

What is wrong with people? What is wrong with Deb?? What is wrong with Mary? I have no idea. You are not homophobic for not wanting a lesbian want to grope you! I know you know this but I want to just validate that for you. Becca is on your side - good. Talk to her and tell her that the next time Deb comes in to the store, you want her to start recording with her phone. If Deb touches you ask her to stop. If she touches you again, ask her to stop. If she touches you a third time, tell her that you have asked her to stop twice now and many times before. Tell her that you now have this on video. Tell her to stop again and warn her if she doesn't leave your store immediately you have a right to defend yourself. If she tries to call her bluff, slap the shit out of her. You are finally taking control of this situation. Don't be manipulated by predators or dumb fucks.

[louisa]

[louisa]

[louisa]

[louisa]

[grover27]

Louisa,
It's a big surprise to see you on here. I didn't expect to ever hear from you again. I must admit that your writing makes it very enjoyable to read your account of what happened, which is weird because I know it is a very unpleasant experience for you. It's not surprise what you say about Erin. As I read your account I thought that this woman is very mentally ill. It's very difficult to know how to respond to a severely mentally ill person. When you are so uncomfortable you have no script for how to behave. You definitely should not blame yourself or ask what is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You are just being put into a very difficult situation with no good solution other than to run away!

How are you doing otherwise?

[louisa]

[louisa]

[louisa]

[grover27]

The fact that you are concerned about menopause is a good thing. It's inevitable but you can deal with it through hormone replacement. You may just need to use some testosterone gel or something of that nature. Just don't give up on your sexuality. The bigger probably with menopause is for women who simply don't care. You care, so you can deal with it.

For Erin, don't slap her. That won't solve anything and could get you in trouble. Having a conversation with her is a good route and then you can remind her in the future "Erin. We have talked about this already. You cannot touch me."

The problem is that you have allowed it to happen without consequences so she thinks she can get away with it. No one likes a "talking to" and then you need to stand firm from then on.