by JoyofSub » January 1st, 2013, 10:34 pm
My first submission to this thread was little over a month ago and I feel an update would be appropriate. At the time I thought a routine of listening to this file along with TSM twice a day would be effective. It's a good plan, but sadly, like so many good plans I'v concocted for myself, easily and swiftly abandoned.
I've been on an extended Holiday-furlough and with so much unstructured time available I found myself listening to these files repeatedly throughout the day. By the end of that 2nd week I was experiencing audio overdose. A proper remedy would have been to limit the sessions to once or twice a day. But there were other unsatisfying manifestations. I began to sense that the apparent gains I had originally noted were fading. Images from gay porn were losing their appeal: dwindling to the realm of the barely tolerable. Furthermore, I began suffering a condition noted by other fans of CFG; one that I believed I would have been spared.
Many listeners have complained about the files insistence at negating all sexual attraction towards women. For me, that had not been an issue. Personally, I enjoy that prohibition. My problem has always been in having too strong of an attraction to women when in fact I find pussy to be sexually uninspiring; whereas cock gets my riveted, heart pounding attention, despite a total lack of attraction to men. I would love it if this file and all the files of its ilk, could leave me detached and indifferent towards women and absolutely ga-ga over men. I have gay friends who become ecstatic and effusively fem when enamored of some "hot" guy; and while I can't fathom their heat, I envy it to the max. So imagine my surprise and disappointment when I began to notice a diminution in my attraction towards women and my reaction was one of horror. My most primal and instinctive attraction, regardless how inappropriate and unfulfilled, was being dismantled and there was nothing to replace it except a nascent gay interest that itself was retrograding to its former status of abhorrence. Regardless how frail and untenable my relationships with women have been, I became overwhelmed by the desire to retain my attraction to them rather than live in a sterile world without an equal replacement.
How could massive doses of CFG be generating these feelings? I was crushed. Was I immune to the 'gay' effects of the file? Maybe those early, positive responses were nothing more than self delusion? Whatever; it was enough for me to suspend all hypno sessions. For the following three weeks my time was focused on personal projects that needed attention. Then last Friday I decided to give tumblr a quick browse. The very first image encountered was of two naked guys embracing in a passionate kiss. a scene that at any other time would have left me queasy and uncomfortable, now had my heart beating against its cage and my cock nearly ripping my jeans. It wasn't just a kiss. It was now a credible display of affection and romantic desire. As I toured the site I became even more aroused and it didn't take long before I unloaded. And there were no after affects of shame or disenchantment. I continued with the tour until I was compelled to engage the CFG file.
Since then, I have set up a routine of similar, gay reinforcing files, including TSM, which I will play in a mix of alternating cycles. I am however taking CFG off the play list. It obviously is the most potent script and deserves top billing, but I really want to give 'Curse Forced Submissive Gay Male' a try. Hopefully, I'll be able to afford a download soon. Would love to receive feedback on this file if anyone is familiar with it.
As to why the file has affected me this way, where after a three week hiatus it generates more gay desires than I have ever sensed before, still leaves me puzzled. Even now, those desires seem to teeter in their intensity. One moment I'm thinking of men, the next I'm wondering what I'm doing to myself. On the street, I am looking at men more often and with greater interest, but I think it is more a self-directed determination to do so, rather than an unconscious affinity. That realm still belongs to women. But this recent development encourages me to continue with the program. I am growing in confidence that CFG will effect an even deeper change in my condition.