WarpMyMind

That's not too bad. I only have two recommendations. First, "neuroses". I had to look up what that means. I would reccommend using a simpler term, one that more people would likely understand, because it would hurt their trance if they have to stop and think about the word that was just used.

Second, reguarding the count-up. First, it comes without warning. All the inductions I've heard (which are only a few, actually) tell the listener that there is going to be a countdown. I don't think it'd be too hard to tell the listender you're going to do that without it seeming out of place. Also, it's usually done by counting down instead of up. Counting down has a more definate goal. No matter where you start, it always ends at 1. But by counting up, the mind is left wondering when the count-up is supposed to end, and to an extent why it would end there. By counting down, it doesn't have to worry about any of that. All it has to think about is becoming super-succeptable once the countdown reaches 1.

But take my advice with a grain of salt, or however that saying goes. I'm no professional 'tist. I just use inductions created by someone else.